Gary Fry

Gary and Rhonda Fry

Gary Fry August 12 1957 to April 30 2006

On April 30th 2006 Gary Fry passed away leaving behind his much loved wife Rhonda who’s battles with Chronic Pancreatitis was the inspiration for the creation of the Pancreatitis Message Board(PMB). Gary didn’t just create a great place where you posted a message, he created a family atmosphere and welcomed unreservedly anyone who wanted to post and make themselves known. The sense of family and community has always been a special feature of this board and through this Gary helped so many people who suffer pancreas related problems many of whom may never have actually made a post on the board but read often. He also kept it going through some very hard times but he had enough compassion/kindness in him to realize how much the many members of the community he had created depended on his board and he chose never to give up on it. Gary you are much loved and will be sorely missed,
I struggled to write about what Gary meant to the many people who frequent the PMB. So the best way I could think of was to take a selection of the many posts and e-mails that accompanied the sad news of Gary’s death.

From Alma

I first met Gary in the mid to late 90’s. I had been diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis in 1995 and was playing around on the computer learning how to navigate the internet. I found a site made by a person by the name of Bruce. His site was nothing but pancreas information and stories. I cried like a baby when I read the stories of others who had chronic pancreatitis. It was like finally someone could to relate and understand what I was going through. There was a link to other sites on Bruce’s site and I went through all of them. On one of the links I clicked on I immediately knew I had found a safe haven. I emailed Gary and we emailed each other back and forth and he had a message board he had started so his wife Rhonda could have someone to talk with that knew what she was going through. It was like we clicked immediately as friends. On the first message board there was not a lot of us and what there was instantly felt like family members that had known each other all their lives.
Gary showed me how to make a web site using a site on the internet that helps you do it. I still had questions and he would help me with them. I learned a lot from Gary not only about message boards and web pages but about life in general. His wife was very ill quite often but he never once complained to me about it. He always wanted to be there for her and was always there for her.
Another thing that brought Gary and myself together is a common love for Bluegrass Music. We both loved the bluegrass sound so we not only had pancreatitis in common but we were both country hicks and we loved this style of music. I even sent him a tape one time of a song I sang to get him to let me know how I was doing. He was honest and helpful. I never will be a true singer but he saw and understood that singing Southern Gospel which includes some bluegrass music, was for me a way to worship my God. Not many people understand that but Gary did from the beginning.
We contacted each other every day for some reason or another, be it me learning how to make web pages or dealing with the pain of cp or just a friendly chat to pass the time. We quickly became like brother and sister. We had our ups and downs like siblings also but we never ever gave up on each other. I will miss him terribly as I know his family will too. Family came first with him and he loved Rhonda with all his heart and more if it was possible. He was ever mindful that Mike could be sent to Iraq and worried about that a lot in the past couple of yrs.
Gary was always supportive of those that posted on the message boards he made. He did not put up with arguing and many times I myself would get in trouble for posting in an argumentative way. Being a very close friend did not stop him from scolding me either. Most times he scolded me in a private email and I really appreciated him for that. He was our rock of Gibraltar when we needed him to be and I don’t see how the board will function without him. I know it will never be the same with him gone. I never dreamed in a million years he would pass on before I did because I was the one with pancreas problems not him. It was a huge shock to find out he had died. Although I had not heard much from him lately I will miss him terribly. Just knowing he was there should I want to email him gave me a sense of security. That security is gone now and there will never be another Gary Fry for me nor will any of the message boards I see on the internet compare in any way to Gary’s board. In honor of him we are keeping the board he made up and running. It is different from other message boards on the internet in the fact that it is not censored. You can say what you want within reason and we all feel like one big family. The board has gotten larger each year and that is because Gary allowed it to be a family oriented board without having to have passwords and approval of a post, etc. I will always hold near to my heart the memories of Gary and his love for Rhonda and Bluegrass Music.

"THANK YOU GARY FOR YOUR CREATION OF THIS BOARD AND LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU HAVE GIVEN ALL OF US."

“It hasn't been easy I know, but you kept right on doing what you could to inform anyone who needed information about chronic pancreatitis. You will never be forgotten.”
Alma
aka: firstwin

Posted by Cindy on May 08, 2006
Taken from an e-mail from Gary to Cindy this was sent to me as is shown here:

“This group is the first to have a Pancreatitis specific message board on the internet. It is the longest running Pancreatitis specific message board as well. I started it in June of 1997 on a different server than it is now. We have moved several times due to different circumstances., usually the server shutting down.”

From Gary’s Sister DiAnn

“I have something that you may like to read about him. It will definitely give you and idea what kind of person he was . He worked in the coal mines and when there was an explosion he was there more than once to help and at times it got pretty gruesome.”
“In 1997 while he was going to college he was one of two people to receive a scholarship called the Felton Patton Memorial Scholarship”
The people on the Pancreatitis were an extended family to him and when we talked he often talked about the people on the board as if I should know them. I did get to the point that I felt like I knew some of them….”.

The excerpt on the right is from the paper clipping below

Subject: Re:Official Resignation as Administrtaor - CJ (c.j.) is new Administrater.
From: Gary
To: All
Date Posted: 21:12:15 12/14/05
Message:

“Wow ALma; I don't know where to start! It has been a two way street, we have been there for each other I think. We probably have been more like family, because we, as many do not know, have had our own ups and downs, (very few and nothing really serious), behind the scene and off the board. But like family, we have always healed our wounds and been able to forgive each other and go forward and leave the past behind. But most of all we were there for each other through the very tough times and we laughed a lot at the good times. I think we have even laughed at our self sometimes :)……”

Posted by Larry on May 02, 2006

I just received an email from Mike Fry who stated his father, Gary Fry, passed away this passed Sunday. If this is true, it is truly a very sad moment for all of us.
Can someone else verify this for us? There was an email address in the email that I received that I may respond back to.
I apologize if this seems so blunt, but I really did not know Gary was doing so bad.

Posted by Chuck on May 02, 2006

I just called the information line at Hampton Funeral Home in Barbourville. Gary Lee Fry did indeed die on Sunday. His funeral will be held Thursday at 1 PM.
I am so sorry to confirm the notice from his son. Gary was a very special person. He put his heart and soul into starting and running this board when Rhonda first was diagnosed. He has been a good friend and will be sorely missed.

Rest in Peace, Buddy.

Chuck

Posted by Brett on May 03, 2006

“Rhonda if you are reading this then please accept my condolences. Gary was a special person who has had a huge impact in my life by providing this special place. For that I am eternally grateful and forever in his debt. I can only imagine the pain you are in and hope that you will find peace for yourself.”

Rest in peace Gary, you will be missed

Posted by Pete on May 03, 2006

“I am truly saddened by Gary's untimely passing. He corresponded with me quite often when I joined this board in July'04.I will be forever grateful for him starting this board.Rhonda...if you read this, please accept my heartfelt sympathies for your loss. You will be in my prayers. I know Gary will be watching over us now from above. God has a special plan for him. I am truly going to miss him...a fine measure of a man!”

Pete(Fla.)

Posted by Christine on May 03, 2006

“i just want to offer my deepest condolences to Gary’s wife and family. i am so grateful to him for all his hard work with this board. it has been a life saver and he has made a difference in so many peoples lives that are suffering with this. i am so, so sorry. thank you Gary, rest in peace.“

Posted by Trisha on May 03, 2006

“What can i say that's not already been said. My thoughts and prayers go out to all his family and friends.I don't honestly know were i would be today if i never found this message board. Gary has helped everyone of us and that say's something about a person.
Rest in peace Gary......Thanks.”

Posted by Pam on May 03, 2006

“My sympathies as well. I saw that Gary last posted on 4/18...he seemed uplifted that this board was active. I hope that gave him joy and peace.”

Pam

Posted by Diane on May 03, 2006:

"REST IN PEACE... a special thank you for this board Gary... from those that post and those that come here as I do to, just read and learn. You and this board have given so much to those who suffer from this horrid disease. Deepest regrets to Rhonda and all that love you."

Diane

Posted by Christine Stanborough on May 03, 2006:

“RhondaTo say Gary was special is such an understatement. God bless you Rhonda your loss is immense and I just hope that our words give you some comfort. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.”

Kind regardsChristine

Posted by laurie on May 03, 2006:

“I just want to add my condolences to his family and friends. I am also shocked and profoundly saddened. I missed his posts but took it for granted that he was always going to be here to keep in touch with his legacy.
As far as the board goes with Carol....I think because it was his decision to dedicate this board to her memory that it should be respected. I think that it is a tribute to the person he was that he did this and to change it now would somehow not honour his wishes. Unless of course, there are other issues that his family wish to address. Just my thoughts, such as they are....”

laurie

Posted by Vickie on May 03, 2006:

.”Gary, we've had many conversations down the years and you've been a wonderful friend”

Vickie

Posted by judylu on May 03, 2006:

“I only hope he is at peace now. My heart goes out to Rhonda and the rest of his family and friends. He is surely missed and will be remembered well.”

Posted by Tami on May 04, 2006:

“I found this board in September of last year, and it has been my salvation with this disease. To find so many other people that can truly relate and sympathize as to what you are going through is not only priceless, but very much needed. Gary is and always will be a true hero to me, to stand so vigilantly by his wife’s side during her illness, to offer so much support and knowledge to others going through CP, what a true saint. Rhonda, I don't know you personally, but I am very sorry for what you are going through, your husband loved you so very much and you could just hear it in every word he had to say about you. You and your family are in my prayers, and I will pray for strength during this very difficult time.”

Tami McClurg

Posted by Lorie on May 03, 2006:

“I did not want to come on the board this morning, I waited 2 hours for fear of knowing that Gary has passed away. My heart hurts and goes out to Rhonda and all of Gary's family. Rhonda if you are reading the board please know that my heart goes out to you. I would like for you to know how much Gary has meant to me. Gary was my salvation in 1997 when I found the Pancreatitis message board. I felt alone and confused over my disease. I had so many questions, fears and needed desperately to know what all of this meant and if anyone else was feeling what I was feeling. My husband is supportive, but I don't know that anyone can imagine how we all feel unless you actually walk in our shoes.Gary brought all of us together as a family, none of us would even know each other if Gary had not brought us together with this board. For this we will always remember Gary and for me he will always hold a very special place in my heart. I can't even begin to say everything I am thinking right now. I am still so very shocked. Rhonda you more then anyone knows how much Gary loves you, he is one the most supportive husbands I know he always talked about you with so much love in his heart.Gary, and his passion for music brought joy to many lives. Gary, will be missed greatly. He had a way of sharing his passion's in life through the web. I know God has a plan for him and he is looking over all of us
Rest in peace Gary, Rest in peace.
My condolences to all of Gary's Family.”

Lorie Bledsoe

From CJ

I came across "Gary's board" in a desperate search to figure out what was wrong with my husband. I had pretty much figured it down to gallbladder or pancreas. After removing the gall bladder it went down hill, leaving pancreatic issues a guarantee. Gary's board, became my rock, while I sat up late nights searching and comparing info, I could always come back and post and ask questions and get valuable LIFE experiences from others who had already been there and done that. It helped to be able to discuss tests/treatments/symptoms so that I could choose the best path for ourselves. Over the years, posting our journey and reading and living thru others journeys, the hardships the laughter and the frustration, we have all become a large extended family. What I find wondrous is thru it all is that we continue to flourish! Chronic disease destroys one financially, emotionally, physically. It alienates you from your real families and friends and this board has been the replacement for both. Thankfully Gary, in his search for information and support could foresee a need for such a place!! Many times people come up with ideas and thoughts but do not put them into action. By Gary's ONE action of opening a "home" for people to rely on for support, and advice and personal perspectives and thoughts he began to create the biggest form of treatment we could receive. That treatment of Love, understanding and unconditional acceptance has been a beacon and drawn people from all over this world to stand in support of one another and we will continue to shine and light the way, helping others who are behind walk a path that is new to them, familiar to others and old to some. By helping one another we are helping ourselves and make the path a little less difficult for others to tread. Hopefully the path blazed by Gary will be worn smooth, and any newly found pancreatic sufferer and their families will have a very easy walk towards a cure and coping with the disease. Gary, Thanks for being there and being who you always were! Your life testimony of compassion and giving will not be forgotten but exalted thru our continuing works!

From Cindy

“Cant even express to Gary/Rhonda how much the creation of the board has meant to me. Like the rest of you know having this condition that those that don’t have it just can’t understand you 100% and what going thru. This place to come-the board has become over the years with some like extended family to me and to my son Brandon even if we live states/country away like we are so close. I have gained some good friends thru this board including Gary and if it wasn’t for him that would never be-we would have never been brought together for a life of friendship. And one day when Brandon is older and knows/understands my condition and friends over the years he will know about 'Uncle Gary' as well.

Gary you will be missed”

Cindy M

Posted by Cindy on May 08, 2006:

“I came on the board/around since 99. As a lot of you know being the first later on to get pregnant with CP and a lot of you went thru each step with me especially the ups and downs and when I was in the hospital 1 1/2 months while pregnant. For me I would like something said for Gary having to do with that and what he wrote to me when he resigned from board to only be a user of it because some of you called yourselves/I called you 'aunt/nana' and him Uncle Gary he said to Brandon which shows the closeness, caring etc. He called me in the hospital too and helped me with some ?s and worries I had, always included him on emails w/pictures of brandon growing up now 2 1/2 + and he always wrote back such nice things but this one I found hits home and even the part for us to be there/help CJ he knew and went thru some rough times with the board and stuck it out/did what he had to do and best for the board up till when he felt he had to resign. Gary/Uncle Gary -you will be missed tremendously”

Cindy and Brandon

Posted by Gary on December 17, 2005 at 13:02:49:

Cindy;“You, I will never forget. You will always be our first member to deliver a baby, little Brandon, in our group of Pancreatitis sufferer's here. You have always and will always be a friend. Say hello to Brian and little Brandon. Keep in touch. And most of all, lets all help C.J., it is a pretty rough job at times”.

Gary

Finally this was posted by Joan and I thought it was a great way to finish

Posted by Joan on May 12, 2006

I ran across this poem today and when I read it made me think of Gary so I thought I would share it with you guys....

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly; in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;
for part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide;
and though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same;
but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

Author Unknown